Red once bled into the painful memories of my past. You can easily lose hope in life when your innocence was taken away at such a young age and when you are continuously reminded that you should have been aborted. The pure rage that was beaten upon my fragile little body revived an inner strength unlike no other. And through it all I still have undying hope for my parents because of the power of forgiveness. Faith will do that to you. Red. The color of love.

To the little girl who suffered so much, I’m sorry. No child should ever have to endure such horrible things. The anger that filled your little soul got in the way of truly loving yourself. Shame held you captive of your unspoken past and resentment flourished in your body as poison. Mingled with grief you found ways to numb the feelings that could have set you free. Nothing made sense. Everything was meaningless. The dark night of the soul was all too familiar and echoed throughout your life. Attempts of suicide, bulimia, drug addictions and abusive relationships fueled your inner demons. Tormented and repressed. Red. The color of war.

Into the light of the dark black night I have taken my broken wings and learned to fly. Every part of my journey illuminates the truth deep in my heart that I am exactly who I am meant to be. For even the complexity of disaster has a way of unraveling your sacred masterpiece. I have learned that you cannot hate yourself into a version you love. Radical acceptance. It’s a beautiful thing. I will never forget who I Am. Nor will I ever apologize for my existence. Red. The color of determination.

Every scar I wear both seen and unseen is a mark of resiliency. I am a survivor. I am a warrior. A fellow sister. See me because of my relationship with myself. I have experienced the deepest, darkest pain. I have failed. And I have risen again. And like the passing of winter, I am reminded that I can turn even my darkest hours into a field of beauty. All of my life, I have waited for this moment to be finally be free. Red. The color of strength and power.

2 thoughts on “Jennifer

  1. Zen Jen,
    My heart pounds. My temperature fluctuates in attendance to your life. My ears attentive. My love abounding. My humility encouraged and my confidence assured. Because of you, ALL of YOU, ever bitter painful memory and every ounce of growth and strength gained, brings positive restoration and encouragement that your purpose on earth is, has been and always will be being fulfilled. You’re of GREAT WORTH! Your purposes many. Your spirit powerful and intentional. You are truly a gift to planet earth and ALL who have the privilege of meeting you. Forget not the immortal lessons and divine knowledge you receive. For these are that which shall continue to enhance your purposes, your joy, and your exceptional life growth. You are anointed and shall be lifted up!!! Thank you for inspiring my world and my life. It’s an honor to have met you, to know you, and God willing become your lifetime friend.
    Your sister in Christ,
    Jennifer Cross, LMT

    Liked by 1 person

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